Taking The Slow Lane

"Welcome to DTAC - superior network throughout Thailand. Call 1800 for local assistance. Have a pleasant stay!" announces the short message on my cellphone.
Have we wandered into Thailand? Not quite.
The election is over, life has returned to normal and it feels like a good time for a drive-about - in the slow lane. And where better than in Kelantan.
So it is that we find ourselves heading towards Pengkalan Kubor, one of two Kelantan towns at the border with Thailand, when the phone beeped the message from the Thai cellular operator.
The other town is Rantau Panjang, and the twins - by virtue of their being only about 1km from our northern neighbour - have come to acquire a certain attraction among Malaysians from other states. One can take a ferry across the river to Tak Bai from Pengkalan Kubor, or drive into Golok via Rantau Panjang.
The mention of Golok might evoke grins among men, but Pengkalan Kubor
and Rantau Panjang are happy they have evolved into the shopping "capitals" of Kelantan.
Before we left Kuala Lumpur for Kota Baru, Kelantanese friends had warned that retailers in the state maintain three sets of prices for their wares: the local price, the returning-Kelantanese price, and the "orang luar" price.
"The traders can easily tell the shoppers apart. It's advisable to go with a local, if you want the best prices. Just let your friend do all the talking for you," says Wai.
"That aside, haggling is the name of the game, and don't be bashful about it," he adds.
"If she asks for RM10, offer RM5 as that would be the price she'd sell to a Kelantanese. In the end, you'd probably pay about RM7.
"One thing you have going for you is that there are so many shops...shop-hop, by all means."
Shoppers come by the busload
Notice that Wai used "she" to refer to a Kelantanese trader? Well, most, if not all, of the traders in the marketplace or bazaars are women.
Most outsiders assume that Pengkalan Kubor got its name from the Muslim cemetery next to the Malaysian Customs and Immigrations checkpoint. But a more colourful lore of the name's origin is that spirits captured by bomoh and held in bottles were tossed into the river, thereby turning it into a "graveyard".
On weekdays, the little town is a sleepy hollow, where an early afternoon siesta is the only respite from the heat and humidity.
"Kak silap time datang (you've come at the wrong time)," says 25-year-old Zaharah who tends to a "Barbie Doll" and "Spiderman" stall.
Her sister's stall next to hers sells hair accessories but is closed for the day. "Dia tak niaga hari ni. Tak ramai orang (she's not open today. Not many customers)," she adds.
It's different at weekends, she says, as shoppers would descend upon the bazaar by the busload.
"We get people from as far as Johor Baru and Singapore. They may go across to Tak Bai, but things are still cheaper here," Zaharah says, as she leisurely fans herself.
Zaharah hails from Gua Musang. She is married to a local who works in Kota Baru. Pengkalan Kubor is a mere 45-minute drive from Kota Baru.
The Barbie Doll and Spiderman goods she hawks are from South Korea and Thailand. "We tell our supplier what we want and they send it over."
She doesn't have a shoplot at the bazaar as the rentals are too high, she says.
Does that mean her prices are lower? "Tengok keadaan (depending on situation). Sometimes we have to sell cheap because we want to clear the old stock.
"Hok ni berapo riyal kat Kuala Lumpur (How much does this cost in Kuala Lumpur)?" she asks, holding up a pair of embroidered Barbie jeans.
She's selling them at RM35. the same item goes for easily over RM100 at KL's swanky complexes.
Asked about the three-tier pricing, she says: "Sapo dok ghoyat gitu? Harga semua sama (Who told you that? Prices are all the same)".
We offer RM25 for the pair of jeans, which will fit an eight-year-old girl, pointing out that we are also buying other stuff which add up to RM300 already.
She won't budge. "How about RM28?"
"I am not making a profit here. I can give you at RM34," she says, taking the jeans from me and putting in into a plastic bag to signal end of discussion.
I turn to May, and admit I'm really no good at this. And paid up.
Then it is off to Rantau Panjang, about an hour's drive from Kota Baru, where it is reputed to have better stuff at better prices. Of course, there is also the option to drive to Golok.
It is curious to find so many vehicles with Thai-plates all over town. Are there as many Malaysian-plated cars in Golok?
And you can't tell the locals and foreigners apart - unless you are a trader, of course.
"The Thais shop for groceries here. Its far cheaper," says Sabariah, "macam dalam cerita Kassim Selamat tu (like in the Kassim Selamat movie)", referring to characters in P. Ramlee's classic Ibu Mertuaku).
"They drive here, buy the goods and bring them back to Thailand."
Kak Sabariah sells ornamental items like candle holders and potpourri bowls. She sources the goods from Thailand.
"Nampak macam boleh buat bisnes. Akak buka kedai ni lapan bulan dulu (It looks lucrative. I opened this shop eight months ago)," she says.
"If there are many people, say, a tour group, I can give really good deals. I can clear my stock and order new supplies."
But business is slow today.
"Weekends are busy. School holidays even better. And the weeks before Raya, we get many people buying household items for their homes."
The chartered tour buses normally travel overnight and reach Rantau Panjang in the morning.
The tourists then just spend the whole day shopping before hopping back on to the bus for the journey home.
Why Rantau Panjang? Well, it offers shoppers a myriad of stuff – clothes (Adidas, Nike and Levi's), watches (Rolexes and Guccis), sunglasses (Chanel, Dior and Versace), handbags (Louis Vuitton and Fendi), food items and toys - at unbelievably low prices. The catch? They're fakes.
When leaving Rantau Panjang, we are curiously stopped at the Customs checkpoint.
The officer asks how much we had spent for all the things that had filled up the boot of the XC90. The tax to be paid is normally 10 per cent of the value, she says.
"Just pay RM10," she says, "and show this receipt if you're stopped at the police checkpoint up ahead."
The police wave us along. Customs and police checkpoints? Are all people who visit Rantau Panjang assumed to have crossed into Thailand as well?